Are you out there

As a child of small town Ut USA you are taught many things, Joseph Smith was the true prophet, you know this church to be true and you must pay 10 cents to every whole dollar you have earned doing chores or you wont go to heaven. Before I knew my middle name I was on the pulpit proclaiming my knowledge of such things because I feared getting in trouble for embarrassing my mother and father. As you get older you learn of the pilgrims and saints and that whatever inconsistencies and questions enter your heart, all will be answered through prayer and faith. If you still question you are unworthy and lack faith so you don't ask to save your soul from those damning questions. I remember those damning questions all too well, why did my father believe hitting me was a punishment? how long did I have to pretend it was? As I grew older and learned of marriage and the evils of homosexuality I remember fantasizing and wishing I was born in the days of Brigham Young and had sister wives and a husband to kiss and touch. By fifth grade I already knew who I wanted to have for my sister wife and looking back she and I entered a DS relationship and her name was Stephany. Stephany was a year ahead of me in school and I was her secret. She controlled our entire relationship where we played, who could know and I found bliss having that time to not be responsible for everything and just be.
I remember walking through the grocery store with my mother and saw women and their daughters dressed like pioneers with terrible tennis shoes. I told my mother I thought they were actresses in a church play. She explained, they were wicked flds Mormons and perverted gods words to be polygamists. I was admittedly excited to hear people were still doing this. Fast forward to my late teens/early twenties, I discovered old bdsm movies, porn and books and again felt I was born in the wrong era. I thought there was something wrong with me, I left the church and in doing so turned my back on my entire family, people couldn't understand the way I was attracted to souls and not the plumbing. I couldn't tell anyone I fantasized about wearing leather and being a Mistress while at the same time having a large man spank me as he fucks me hard. I wanted to find someone who knew what bdsm even was. The first question I asked everyone upon introduction "what do you think of when you see a red hanky?" I had the hanky code memorized. Fast forward to a month before my Thirtieth birthday, six years into the underground bdsm community in SLC and going through a divorce. Like the transition from one chapter to another while sitting in the cafeteria at work the Universe put its pen to my flesh. Twenty years of fantasies in what I never thought possible now a four and a half month inscription, and the best chapter to date. A final fast forward to date and I have to wonder, are you out there? Was that my bridges of Madison County moment or just the appetizer to your banquet. Are you out there?